I’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately.  There’s nothing terribly wrong.  I’m just working too much.  I’m feeling tired, grouchy, and overwhelmed by life.  I’m putting out grouchy and I’m getting back grouchy. Yuck. 

Luckily, I have the weekend off from work, so I have time to soothe myself and feel better. 

Yesterday, I stepped out of the cold and drizzle into a beautiful little plant store.  Every shelf had pots of gorgeous orchids blooming and lush green plants. The inside of the store was a cozy niche with beautiful treasures everywhere. There were dozens of Amarylis bulbs displayed.  Some of them were blooming, not in a pot, just sitting on a wooden table.   

There were baskets of other flowering bulbs, fragrant soaps, and cards with birds on them placed among the greenery. Jewelry hung down from branches, like treasures of the forest. The store felt like a pixie hideaway in a story about magic. 

Today, I’m reading Pam Grout.  Pam has written several books suggesting tests we can do to show ourselves that the world is a welcoming place and will bring us all sorts of wonderful experiences if we learn to allow it.  She’s funny and breezy and relentlessly cheerful. 

Pam uses “A Course in Miracles” as her personal spiritual guide.  This year she’s been going through the lessons in it and blogging about her insights every day.  The message I hear from her is that we are good and powerful and our only real job is to love. 

It’s a comfort to hear that message.  I believe it and have experienced the truth of it.  I’m trying to immerse myself in that perspective now, hoping it can carry me through my work week. 

I feel like I step back and forth between two realities.  There is the “ordinary” reality that I learned about growing up:  Life is hard.  I’ve always got to push myself to work harder.  If I work hard enough, I’ll be a good person and someday I’ll get to enjoy my life. 

Then there is the reality I’ve learned about from spiritual teachers:  We are spirit.  We are good. This moment is what matters.  Life can be easy.  We can live in love.   

I want that reality.  Sometimes it feels like I have to brainwash myself into it. Or soothe myself into it.  I’m going to do what I can to live in that reality today.